Z is for Zoe

I’m still marveling at how one action changed my life. All I did was walk up to a girl I’ve watched from afar in the library for too long and interrupt her conversation with her girlfriend. After eavesdropping on their conversation, I said something like, “Are you talking about roleplaying games? I love them!” Maybe it was rude, but it’s the kind of rudeness which got me closer not only to Rhane, but to Beatrix, her girlfriend as well. Before I knew it, I playing Rhiannon, once a non-player character in Beatrix’s campaign, privy to many of the Gamemaster’s secrets. I’d discovered some of the mystery behind the faraway look in Rhane’s crystal blue eyes, the pain she’d distancing herself from. I wish I could hate Beatrix, but I don’t, no matter how angry I might get with her. I see so much of myself in this bitter Gamemaster, a bitterness I myself had to fight to overcome. Her idealism is so similar to my own. I’m guessing some of the same things that attract me to Rhane attracted her as well. I’m guessing that Beatrix needs Rhane so much, she has to belittle the object of that need. Maybe this is why I’m channeling so much of my own confused passion into Rhiannon, transforming it into a subtle flirtation with Amberwyne, one Isolde doesn’t like one bit. Neither does Mona, whom I’m actually having a harder time getting along with than I am with Rhane or Beatrix. Mona may be jealous and suspicious of me, just as Isolde is jealous and suspicious of Rhiannon, but I’m a little angry with Mona. No matter how close Isolde and Amber might be, The Players Are the Thing, and Mona makes Rhane uncomfortable with her constant personal space invasions and unwanted touching. You’re not upset with Isolde, or the way Mona plays Isolde, which are perfectly in character. Isolde is Amber’s protector in a way Mona would never be Rhane’s, not where Beatrix is concerned. Mona never argues with Beatrix when she makes cutting remarks, putting Rhane down. Sometimes she laughs along with them. Nor does she fight back when Beatrix aims the cutting remarks at herself. Mona is so in awe of Beatrix, aping Beatrix’s style, mannerisms, wearing the same clothes, reading the same books, doing anything Beatrix does, because Beatrix does it. I sometimes wonder if Mona isn’t only interested in Rhane because Rhane is with Beatrix. Mona’s sycophantic behavior is very different than the way Rhane drifts off, going deep within herself, away from Beatrix, Mona, and everyone else around her. The latter is far more intriguing, yet no less troubling. Neither Mona nor Rhane are dealing with Beatrix, who’s becoming a bigger and bigger problem. Beatrix almost seems to be trying to provoke her players into a reaction, rile them up, make them suffer. She’s going to drive her players away at this rate and where would a Game Master be without players? Beatrix needs to be reminded that The Players Are the Thing. I like Beatrix, I sympathize with her, I really do, yet I’m getting tired of her attitude and I’ve only just joined this game. How must the other players feel? It’s definitely time for a change, even if only by saying a few words that shake things up a bit. I just hope everyone listens.