Hector: Wonderful. Here I am, trapped in this Cauldron with you again. Talk about character conflict. This is only when I’m not in Aissa and Polyxena, where I’m stuck in the underworld, dead, unable to save my city or my family from Achaen invaders. Or I’m still alive, fighting with all my might and it’s not enough to stop that obsessive madman, Achille.
Harold: (sniffs) I couldn’t agree more. You’re a barbarian who smells. Your idea of fashion appears to be a lack of clothing and too many pointy bits. Men are much more civilized where I’m from.
Hector: If you’re an example of what men are like where you’re from, civilization there is sadly lacking.
Harold: How dare you! I am a nobleman!
Hector: And I am the son of a king, who’s slain countless warriors. How many men have you felled with your sword arm?
Harold: I have no need to fell or slay anyone. I have a title, lands, and wealth. What’s more, I am in Fairest, which is in Once Upon a Rainbow, an actual published book which has sold copies. You’re just a character in a 40 K+ story which no one wants.
Hector: (bristles) Our story will find someone who’ll see its value or we’ll create our own place for it. I happen to be the brother of the main character! You’re just a cast-off suitor whose princess rejected him!
Harold: Oh, I’m far more than that. You’ll see. I’m going to get in the good graces of Quartz’s younger brother, Opal. We started off on a not too ungraceful foot at the ending of Fairest. Through Opal, I’ll find a way into Quartz’s story in progress, Of Cuckoo Clocks and Crystal Coffins.
Opal and Quartz: (from somewhere backstage, otherwise known as the mists of the Cauldron) Eh?!
(Off in reality, I splutter and cough up whatever I’m drinking, caught completely off guard by this.)
Hector: Peace, Quartz and Opal. It’s not yet your time to speak.
Quartz: Oh, all right. (grumbling)
Opal: I don’t get a chance to speak at all this month if I don’t interrupt! What do you mean by using me to find a way into my brother’s story?
Harold: There, there, no need to fret. I’ll make it worth your while when I show up. I’ll give you lots of pretty things.
Opal: I’m a dwarf who works in a mine. I’m perfectly capable of finding pretty things myself. Stop making those dewy eyes at me. You almost foamed at the mouth, objecting to Briar and Rose’s union. Now you’re acting like you’re ready to propose. Knock it off.
Harold: (waving a beringed hand) I’m simply being sociable. No need to scowl. As for my reaction to the princesses, well, Marian convinced me I was being, ah, a trifle unwise, considering that they are princesses. She was quite right.
Hector: (eyeing Harold with contempt) You’re such an avaricious worm. You and Alexandros was get along quite well until you stole each other baubles and sugar cakes.
Harold: Well, you’ve already let us know where all your bluster and pointy objects got you. The underworld! If you’re an example of what men are like where you’re from, worms will get better of you. They’ll gnaw your corpse in the end.
Hector: You sniveling coward…we’re not in the underworld now. (He draws his sword) I’ll show you exactly what sort of a man I am and how much damage my pointy objects can do!
Harold: Aaaaeeee! I’m being attacked by a half-naked brute! I’m not into all that! (He runs away)
Hector: Come back and face me, worm! (chases after Harold)
Opal: (sticking his nose out of the mist and watching them go) I can’t believe you put them together in the same blog. Ever. Yet you do it year after year…
Me: It’s become a bit of a tradition at this point. Sort of like having these particular characters show up every year for the BloggingFromAZAprilProject.
Opal: (sighs)
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