Friday, April 21, 2023

R is for Rhane

The Players Are the Thing my character whispers in my ear, even as I lost myself in her and her world. Amberwyne has become so much more than simply my creation. I’m no longer seeing her just when I roll the dice, playing Beatrix’s game. Maybe it started out as just a game, a campaign Beatrix game-mastered for Mona and myself. No one is more absorbs by this game than Beatrix herself, although I wonder if she still enjoys it. Mona makes me uncomfortable except when she’s playing Isolde. When I’m Amberwyne, I can interact with Isolde. Through Isolde, I can interact with Mona. I enjoy Isolde’s affections for Amber in a way I’ve never enjoyed Mona’s feelings for me. Zoe’s entrance into the game has excited Beatrix’s interest and my jealousy, yet it breathes new life into Rhiannon. Once Rhiannon was a non-player character Beatrix ran, yet she’s become so much more. We’re finding ourselves in our characters yet why am I uneasy? Is it because I sometimes feel like Amber is worried about me? Worried about us all? Yes, our dice do sometimes act like they’re cursed, but they’re dice. Dice and be cruel. If not for this game, I never would have gotten to know Amberwyne. I’ve fallen in love with my own character, whether she’s real or not. As crazy as that sounds, I feel like she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s helping me to love myself, to face myself. This has become more than a game, yet I’m not longer sure if I need the game. Only Amberwyne. If she’s warning me about something, I’d better pay attention. No matter how much I’d rather not listen. No matter how I’d rather just lose myself in a dream with her.

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