R is for Rhane

Hmm, what’s that? Oh, I’m at the Forbidden Cauldron. 

What? It’s not that strange. I’m always drifting off to other places in my imagination. I’d rather spend time there than in the real world, dealing with me. Amberwyne is so much more interesting than I am. I’d rather roleplay her than mope around being me. 

Lately, she’s been so lively, interacting with my surface thoughts. I could almost feel like she’s arguing with me, telling me to pay more attention to myself. Not to accept all of Beatrix’s insults and attempts to direct to me. Encouraging me to make plans of my own. 

Why should I bother? Arguing with Beatrix takes too much time and effort. 

Only in this game, if it concerns Amber, I want to treat my character right. I want to develop her in a way that brings out her full potential. 

Even if it means I have to challenge Beatrix to do this. 

I don’t know if Mona will back me up. Mona wants to please me, a little too much if you ask, but she goes wherever Beatrix follows. She’s even less used to standing up to Beatrix than I am.

Now Zoe will stand up to Beatrix, but Zoe is a little too hot headed. I’m not sure if direct conflict with the Game Master is going to work. 

I’d rather not upset Beatrix if I can. I try so hard to make her happy, to make this game fun. Every smile of hers has been a sneer of late. When I’m around her, I feel depressed, languid, and tongue-tied. I can’t a word in edgewise. She interrupts me before I can finish a sentence. 

Even talking to her is getting exhausting. 

It wasn’t always like this between us. 

When I first met Zoe, our conversation flowed in a free and easy way which reminded me of how Beatrix and I used to talk. Before Beatrix turned grim and grumpy. Before she started dominating every conversation. Before she lost her temper at the most innocent phrase. 

I wish I could get the old Beatrix back. I’m not sure how to do so.

Instead I play her game, getting more and more wrapped up in my character. 

Only that character is urging me to stand up to Beatrix. To leave her. This means some part of me isn’t happy with the way things are. 

What can I do about it?

Play the game. After all, The Players Are the Thing. Not even Beatrix can deny that.