H is for Hector and Harold

A proud figure in gleaming armour stands as the mist clears, giving us all a moment to admire him in his glory. As does the second figure who wears no armour, but enough jewelry to dazzle the eye as he strikes a pose next to the first.

Hector: (lifting his head and trying to pretend the second figure isn’t there) Yes, I am Hector, prince and hero of Troy. The voice of honor, loyalty and values in the untold tale of Aissa and Polyxena.

Harold: And I am Lord Harold Vingegarten of Feathers Royal, the Lord Harold. Voice of values and all things valuable in Fairest, that scribbler’s twice told tale due to be told again and first taste of published glory. Not that I see any glory in that story. Just what’s glorious about it? (sniffs) I was hardly in either the first or second published edition of Fairest. My role hasn’t improved in the expanded version.

Hector: (looking down his nose at Harold with some distaste) You must be favored by the gods, to be in print twice. Not to mention walking around with all that wealth, inciting every thief’s lust. Either that or your sword arm is worth its weight in everything else.

Harold: (shudders) As if I’d carry a sword around myself! That’s what guards are for!

Hector: You’d let another man shed his blood for you and steal your glory? Robbing you of the chance to prove your mettle?

Harold: I’ll keep my mettle to myself, thank you very much. I can’t go swinging a sword around. I’d ruin my nails, not to mention I’d get blood all over my clothes.

Hector: I recall dimly being forced to meet you before. You behaved like a tedious worm even then.

Harold: Who are you to call a tedious worm? It’s not like I don’t remember you. (wrinkling his nose) A smelly pervert with an unhealthy fixation on the men his brother had unnatural relations with. Or maybe it was a particular man?

Hector: (drawing his sword) Worm, take back your words or say your prayers.

Harold: Eek! (He starts to run. Yes, he’s loaded down with treasure, but he’s surprisingly fast) I’m being pursued by a pervert!

Hector: Coward! Stand your ground and face me!

Harold: (over his shoulder) Oh, like you did in The Iliad?

Hector: Slanderous worm, I’ll cut your tongue out of your mouth!

Hector gives chase. Actually he’s pretty fast. He might catch up with Harold if The Iliad was true…

Hector: (filling the screen) LIES!!

Eep! I start running after Harold…